Thinking of you and your family.

Last night I was heartbroken to learn that Joe is no longer with us. Over twenty years ago, Joe and I formed an immediate friendship as fellow writers when we realized that we both liked and followed the same authors. I had just finished another book and Joe was in the process of working on what at the time was to be the final draft of The Short Happy Life of Cob Logan. We agreed that we would read and critique each other and thus began a series of meetings in places like the bench outside of Terra Cotta which I owned back then. To say that we were brutally honest with each other would be true but the brutality was respectful. We knew we could write and we knew that all writers and all works of fiction could be better. We also had many opposing viewpoints over the years. Hemingway was a big one – Joe liked him, while I thought his best piece of fiction was his molding of himself. We had to agree to put that one aside. There was also publishing. While we both agreed that it was the writing that was most important, Joe wanted to be published and for a time struggled to find an agent by putting himself through the thankless humiliation of query letters. Again, though, we both knew that we wrote because something told us that we had to write, that life would never be complete if we failed to flush out the stories that constantly swam through our brains. So, we kept on writing and after a time Joe attacked being published by charting a course through the early vagaries of self-publishing. By then he knew that being published was never my goal. So, I kept trying to convince Joe that publishing wasn’t necessary and Joe tried to convince me that I should want to be published. He was willing to spend time in his pursuit but I was not willing to spend what I called my most precious asset: I have always been very selfish with my time. Joe and I were also stubborn, very stubborn. We learned that arguing would, most of the time, not convince the other person but that didn’t stop us from trying. In fact, when Joe read the first of my books that I’d given him, he told me that although he loved the book, he hated the ending. In the book, a man who had a horrific childhood and was basically a broken adult, ends up reconnecting with a woman at the end. Joe argued that that would never happen with this guy. I argued to the contrary. Many years later in a rewrite of the book, I accepted Joe’s argument and changed the ending. I told Joe I needed to sit on it for a while. We also accepted the idea that no creation is ever finished. In other words, it was no surprise that Da Vinci carried the Mona Lisa with him for so many years and constantly changed it. It was also no surprise when Joe put Cob Logan aside and sent me All Good Quests in draft form. We easily fell back into reading and critiquing even though I always felt that Cob Logan was the best thing Joe ever wrote. I felt that book was an homage of sorts to the early works of John Irving while All Good Quests was, in my mind, a book about Joe; nothing wrong with that, I just liked Cob more. After the Recession killed Terra Cotta and I made my way back to California and eventually to San Diego, Joe and I would reconnect sporadically for somewhat short periods of time. I loved those times. Joe was always working on something, as was I. Obviously, though, as time passed, Joe had much larger things to worry about. But, even though he did, that never stopped his joyful excitement at our reconnections. He loved talking about writing with someone who had written and whose work he appreciated, and I was the same. Then, in early February, I read what turned out to be his final Important Stuff blog entry where he mentioned having to deal with 1,200 em-dashes in Cob Logan before turning it over to an editor. That spurred a quick email from me where I again told him that Cob was my favorite book of his. I also told him that the em-dashes fit the book, that too many was bad, but that too few would also be bad. In other words, be careful with the cut. That email spawned a two week back and forth and Joe told me that he had notes on two novels he couldn’t wait to get started on. At his request, I sent him a rewrite of something I had “finished” several years ago, and then a series of short stories that were much more recent. He told me he looked forward to reading the book and that he felt fortunate that he was one of the people I sent it to. I remember thinking to myself that he was the most important person I sent it to. My last email to him was on 2/22 where I sent the short stories and asked for his thoughts on Chekov, William Trevor and James Salter. I never heard back. As it will be for so many other people, it will be hard for me to realize that life no longer includes Joe, that I won’t be able to hear from him again, that I won’t be reading anything new he has written. There are so many reasons for people to miss Joe. For me it’s his stories, his blog posts, his insight, his joy, his encouragement, his thoughtfulness, and I’ll even miss, in a very real way, his stubbornness. Head-butting with a master head-butter can be a fulfilling experience. Joe used to call me passive aggressive. The word passive never applied to Joe. He was truly one of a kind.

Our deepest condolences to Christie, the kids, and all of Joe's family. In the brief time we knew Joe, he made a lasting positive impact on our lives. He faced the long battle with grace, dignity, and humor, in addition to lots of courage. We will miss our beers before home games but will have one in his memory. He will be missed.

My heartfelt condolences to the Graber family.

I am very sad to hear about Joe. My condolences and healing to the entire family. He was courageous standing up to cancer, what a spirit and role model.

I am very sad to hear about Joe. My condolences to the entire family and healing. He fought one heck of a fight, what a spirit.

Joe’s indomitable spirit was and remains one of the true guiding lights in this world. - Nels Pearson

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss of Joe. My condolences to all the Graber family.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to Joe's family and friends. Joe was a very close friend to my brother, Ken, and I got to know Joe over the years, as well. Joe, you will be missed; Godspeed, friend.

RIP Joe! You were an amazing friend and brother. Will always cherish our time at JMU and in ATL. Deepest condolences to your family. May your amazing legacy live on forever.

Deepest sympathies for the family.

Joe, you’ll be missed dearly

Please accept our deepest condolences for your family's loss.